So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize