its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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