just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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