I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
