so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
