You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
