You can't special order awesome
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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