Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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