i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
