i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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