my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
