is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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