The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
