I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think I died a long time ago.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize