How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize