After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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