Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
