my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My vagina is officially offended.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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