one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
