There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize