There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
