just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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