Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
