Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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