he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
