Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
