Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
