I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
