You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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