Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
