For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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