the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
