This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
