Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
