I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
