i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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