Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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