Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize