There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
