We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
