my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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