Betty ford says i'm here all night
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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