I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
