I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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