I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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