ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
