if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
