Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
