You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
