He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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