I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we're chasing vodka with high fives
well you can't waste a boner
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
