So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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