my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
