he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
