saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
