...so i touched it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
