don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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