seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
