I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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