Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
