Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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