Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
