you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
