i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
