how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
