Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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