Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize