i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
