His pubic hair was longer than his dick
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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