Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
