She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
